


can't promise that

by Pi (Rhea)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Season/Series 04, Spoilers S4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 02:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12643992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhea/pseuds/Pi
Summary: It takes Keith a little while to be ready to join in with the celebrations of their victory.





	can't promise that

There’s a joyful confusion of ships in the skies above Olkarion. In the cockpit of his appropriated Galra fighter, Keith tunes away from the radio chatter of shouting and jubilation. They’d radioed ahead to the rest of the rebels to keep anyone from firing on Keith’s appropriated ship as he sets it down amongst the other rebel crafts that made it through the fight. Pilots and crew are hugging on the surface, Keith spots at least two Blade members exchanging congratulatory handshakes, the high of victory sweeping aside any fear that might have have kept them separated from the other rebels’ celebrations under different circumstances.

 _A whole third of the Galra Empire_ , it’s odd to think that Keith is witnessing and has been part of something over 10,000 years in the making. Voltron is out there somewhere. Not on this landing field, but Keith had seen them soaring back along with the majority of the fleet. He could climb down from the Galra craft now, exchange backslaps and handshakes and hugs with the coalition members. He could go get a drink of whatever it is they’ve started passing around and toast their success.

His hands are still shaking a little, so he tucks his feet up on the seat instead. The Galra ship has fully powered down and it’s dim without the purple glow of consoles. Keith feels preternaturally calm. He could shift a little, tuck his head against the back of the seat and just go to sleep here. The Blade know his ship, when it’s time to leave there’s a decent chance Kolivan will come find him.

Of course it’s also possible the Blade members will disperse on their own, each back to their own mission, and Kolivan will leave him behind. Matt probably knows he’s here. Matt, who is likely to tell the story of their battle to Pidge, probably to Shiro. Keith isn’t ready to talk about it. He wasn’t ready when he took on Zarkon to protect Shiro all those many months ago and he still isn’t ready now. It’s a calculation he’s known the result of for a while. This makes him a good Blade. He knows the importance of success, of doing what needs to be done and making hard choices. But it also makes Keith a bad Blade, because he can’t leave anyone behind and he values some people as much as he values the mission.

Working with Kolivan, the family he was born to, Keith has learned the hopelessness of their cause and the honor found in facing the impossible and offering everything in exchange. Knowledge or death, because every time you don’t die you know more to keep not dying. Knowledge will one day break Zarkon’s empire completely and until then the Blade will keep trying. Keith could probably ask Kolivan about this, how exhausted and empty he feels while his fingers still tremble slightly. Keith has been sitting here too long. He’ll find Kolivan and avoid the Voltron team for a little while, at least until he can sort himself out. Maybe after he’s slept.

Keith raises his hood and engages his mask. The landing field is packed with even more people now, the last few ships having disgorged their passengers into the impromptu party. Keith passes on the drinks and food a few people offer his way. The reticence of Blade members before him lets him slip quietly through the crowd without too much trouble. No one expects him to shout or hug them, or any of the other more alien shows of relief and celebration that are occurring around him. It’s most likely that Kolivan is in the Castle of Lions.

Lotor’s ship rests nearby and Keith would lay good odds that Kolivan, Allura, and Lotor are icily sizing each other up and strategizing both the downfall of Zarkon’s Empire and the best way to both protect their own factions and eliminate any threats the others might pose at the end of any alliance or arrangement. Keith shakes himself a little, hurrying his steps. His brain is still slow, ticking back up to speed as he enters the Castle. He’s left Lotor unchecked. Keith trusts Kolivan, but Lotor has been a priority, a focus for months, and here Keith was wallowing by himself in a ship when he should have been on guard, at ready. There haven’t been any explosions, but Keith has worked enough with the Blade to know that death can come silently and steal away possibilities without a ripple of awareness.

The Castle is full of aliens. There’s music and dancing of some kind happening in one of the largest rooms. Keith spots Hunk flourishing several trays of food and speaking animatedly with one of the blue aliens. Whether Hunk’s been cooking to contribute to the festivities or is simply appreciating the culinary offerings, Keith can’t tell. Keith ducks away before Hunk has any chance to look up and catch him across the room.

Down another corridor Keith passes Pidge and Matt in another room surrounded by a group of robots and some of the rebel engineers. There are cables spilling across the floor and three of the large Castle computer screens flicking through readouts as Pidge gestures to the data whizzing by. Keith hear’s something about upgrades and continues his search. He meets Ulaz coming down the corridor, which is a stroke of luck. The Castle of Lions feels larger than ever when filled with so many people. Keith wonders if the echo of laughter down the corridors reminds Allura of her childhood, the history of the Castle, vibrant with Alteans.

 

“Has Lotor done anything?” Keith asks.

“He is meeting with Kolivan and the Princess. They have a core of Blades with them, he will not be successful if he tries anything. He willingly disarmed himself upon leaving his vessel. Kolivan does not trust it, and neither do I, but in the game of power he plays against his father we are a valuable ally. He will not destroy his chances with Voltron so callously.”

Keith nods. It doesn’t make the anxious energy go away, but as a Blade he values strategy, practical knowledge.

“Has Kolivan updated our mission?”

After enough time with galra, Keith recognizes the throaty sound of Ulaz’s response as amusement.

“While negotiations occur, we are free to enjoy ourselves. We so rarely have the opportunity to appreciate a victory such as this. Any Blade who is alive today is relishing the first true blow against the Empire in 10,000 years. I hear there is much to drink on the landing field. Would you like to join me? Or perhaps seek out your humans?”

“Thanks, but I’m good.”

Ulaz inclines his head in farewell. Keith stands alone in the corridor for a bit, listening to the echoes of life in the Castle.

 

When he starts walking again he’s not terribly surprised to find that his feet lead him to his old quarters. This part of the Castle is quiet and Keith stands in front of his old door for a while. The Blade moves around enough that Keith hasn’t had a room of his own really since this one. He’d shared dorm barracks at the Garrison, and the room at the Orphanage before that. It seems strange then to know that this room is still waiting for him, a space all his own, still, probably.

He waves a hand and the door panel swishes open. It’s the same as he left it, tidy and clean and bare of anything but his red jacket hanging in the corner. There’d be nowhere to keep it with the Blade. Keith strips off his uniform and puts on his sleep clothes. They’re blue and soft, a shirt and pants set Coran found for each of them from one of the storage spaces by the healing pods. Keith puts the jacket on and climbs into bed. It’s not all that comfortable, but he remembers sleeping in the jacket when it was so much bigger than he was. The space is quiet and his. Keith finally starts to feel settled.

He wakes to his familiar room in the Castle. He feels more rested, at home, than he has in months. He’s not sure how long he’s slept, but the lights have shifted into what he recognizes as night cycle. Keith gets dressed, hesitating for a moment before adding the red jacket over his Blade uniform. He looks patently ridiculous but he doesn’t want to take it off right now. Maybe Lance will point and laugh at him when he sees him, it’ll be something to break the ice after Keith’s been gone so long. Keith starts by looking for everyone in the lounge. It’s surprisingly empty, but he supposes if they’re all still involved in the parties elsewhere in the Castle, they wouldn’t be here.

Keith considers going back to the largest room, where the dancing was earlier. Instead he checks the training deck. It’s empty, and Keith knows he’s procrastinating, but what do you say to your best friends, to the Team who’ve realized that you’re more useful working somewhere else. Keith knew it first, of course, but they’ll have figured it out too by now.

The world needs Voltron, but Voltron is complete without Keith. Keith certainly can’t step into Allura’s role, he’s part Galra, not Altean and the Castle would never respond to him. Besides, Coran has been managing alright. But Voltron can’t do everything and Keith can be one of those people helping fill in the gaps. Keith can embrace his heritage and use everything he has to make this world one without Zarkon, to make it safe for the people he cares about most.

He checks one of the viewing bays next, out of habit, his feet taking him along the same route he’s walked many other nights when he couldn’t sleep. The Castle is on a planet so the wall of windows looks out on the twinkle of lights and habitation rather than a starfield. The room isn’t empty. Keith thinks about leaving. Shiro’s back is to him, his shoulders are rounded down, elbows resting on his knees and the heels of his fists pressing against his forehead. He is very still. Keith makes sure his steps are audible as he walks over to sit down next to him. Shiro doesn’t react when he does. There’s enough space between them Keith would have to reach over to touch him, but Shiro has to know he’s here. Keith doesn’t know where to start.

 

“You thought I was dead for a year,” Shiro says. Keith jolts, eyes whipping away from the windows. He can’t see Shiro’s face, can’t know what he’s thinking. This has never been something they talk about.

“Twice,” Keith says, because he’s petty. “But I didn’t believe it either time. I’ll always keep looking, as many times as it takes.”

Shiro laughs a little, but there’s no real amusement to his tone. “That isn’t a promise you can make.”

Keith bristles a little, but Shiro raises his head then. He looks tired and hurt, like when they’d crash landed and he kept telling Keith that he’d be the one to lead Voltron when Shiro is gone. Well, Keith isn’t.

“Yes I can, Voltron needs you, the Universe needs you Shiro. What were they calling you, Shiro the Hero?” Keith sways a little, as if to bump their shoulders together, but Shiro’s a touch too far away, and he doesn’t react to the levity.

“I’m not the only one who’s needed, Keith!” The breaking wave of Shiro’s anger washes over Keith, and Keith suddenly realizes what they’re talking about.

“I know that. But there wasn’t another option. If the balance is worth it…I made a choice. Turned out it didn’t matter, but what if Lotor hadn’t been there? Allura was right, Voltron needs someone to pilot the Black Lion. That someone is you. I’m doing all I can, and sure the Blade could still go on without me, but I make a difference. I’m making sure you’re safe.”

“Is this because of your mother? Keith, you’re not galra, you don’t have to see everything as victory or death.”

“I don’t! Shiro! This isn’t about that. This is about what’s important to me. What’s _worth it_ to me, alright? I saw an impossible situation with one way maybe it could turn out alright for you. I know that…that you don’t want to loose me. I get it. You don’t want to loose any of us. But I _know_ I can’t loose you. I won’t. And if Zarkon, if the witch managed to kill you, to kill Voltron. That’d be it, wouldn’t it? We’re all a family, you’d still have Pidge, Lance, Hunk, Allura, and Coran, that’s more than enough. I’m not giving that up.”

“But haven’t you?” Shiro stands, there’s something a little wild about his expression. Keith wouldn’t have been surprised if his prosthetic started had to glow. “We rarely hear from you, you’re off on your own. You’re making a choice, you said it. You’re making a choice to leave us behind.”

Keith stands too. “Not permanently! Shiro, you have to know I want to be here. With you, here. But there isn’t a space for me. This is a war and we need every bit of help we can get. There’s more out there that I need to know. For me. Maybe that means knowledge or death, but I know which of those I’d pick first. I’m not trying to get killed.”

“It sure doesn’t seem like it,” Shiro mutters, turning away.

“Shiro!” Keith does reach out this time, fingers catching at Shiro’s sleeve. “I’m not trying to die. But if there’s ever a choice between my death, and your life…I won’t.” Keith isn’t braced for the hug and it rocks him back a little. His arms come up instinctively to cling to Shiro’s shoulders.

“I don’t want that,” Shiro says, “I never, ever want that.”

“I know.” Keith is talking into Shiro’s shoulder, but he knows Shiro can still hear him. “It’s not your choice. I get to decide what’s worth it.”

“What about what matters to me,” Shiro rebuffs.

“Then just stay safe.” Keith says, feeling the smile curving around his lips. Shiro can probably hear it in his voice. It’s a promise neither of them can make.

“We can both try.” Shiro says finally. He pulls back, hands resting one warm, both solid and grounding, on Keith’s shoulders. “I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah.” Keith nods. And this is the other reason he left, the fond, warm look on Shiro’s face and the harsh twisting that’s started up again in Keith’s gut in response. Keith really want’s to kiss him. “Feeling better?” Keith asks instead, trying to inject a note of teasing into the tone.

“No,” Shiro answers honestly. Keith frowns. “I understand, but I don’t have to like it.”

“Okay.” Keith nods slowly, they’re still staring at each other. Shiro’s hand slides back and forth over his shoulder, a brief soothing motion that ends with his thumb resting against the side of Keith’s neck. Keith swallows. Before he left for the Blade he’d thought, well, they’ve never stared at each other quite like this before. Keith has been learning how to face loosing battles, but this is one he’s never considered he might win. If he’s wrong, Kolivan will have their next assignments soon. Keith will be gone again. He takes a step forward, Shiro’s hand slides back a little, almost cupping Keith’s neck.

They’re still looking at each other, so Keith deliberately drops his eyes to Shiro’s lips, leaning forward, and up just a little. Shiro meets him half way. Keith’s arms wrap around Shiro and one of Shiro’s hands slides into Keith’s hair, his other arm coming around Keith’s waist. Shiro kisses Keith like he’s just heard the news Keith almost died, desperate and a little rough. Keith kisses back for all the months that Shiro was gone, and all the times he’s wanted to do this but hasn’t.

 

Keith isn’t sorry for any of it, because Shiro is here and alive, pressed against him and holding him close as their lips gentle against each other, shifting to tender exploration and the smile Keith can’t contain pressing against Shiro’s lips. Keith finally feels the joy he saw earlier, friends and lovers and strangers uniting on the landing field and calling out to one another in relief and delight. Keith is so very happy to be alive.


End file.
